Posted in Children and parenting, Don't give up, Motherhood, parenting, purpose, Single moms

Single moms: Quality trumps Quantity

Some may say you are not enough.

Some may blame you for not holding your marriage together.

Some may believe that your home is unstable.

Some may think that you are not doing enough.

Some may make sarcastic remarks.

Some may want you to beg them for help.

Some do not realize that there is a God who knows all and sees all. You are not alone. Even if you are a single mom or parent, “all things are possible.” Pass on the legacy that fuels your child’s core (courage, determination, faith, and perseverance).

Motherhood is your calling right now. Find your direction & strength in the Creator.

Make this life great!

Timika

Posted in personal development

Seriousness: You have a right to life…a right to be here.


Seriousness

Seriousness…..

Your body is your body, and no one has the right to violate who you are in actions or words. You have the right just like anyone else to enjoy your life and pursue your dreams. You have the right to explore who you are–your gifts and talents without others telling you who you are and fitting into their mold of who they want you to be.

There is power in the word “No” and standing your ground. In fact, many people will respect you when they see that you respect yourself. I know that people should respect us regardless. However, we cannot wait on others to give us what we deserve and is our birthright.

We teach others how to treat us. What actions or words from someone else have offended you? Check first to see if, at some point, you gave the other person the right (verbally or nonverbal ) to treat you this or that way. If so, it is time for a change. Be true to yourself. You are magnificently designed for a reason, and I do not believe it was to be belittled or used for someone else’s punching bag or used in any other negative way.

Let us not wait for others to respect us. Let us show others what respect is. Our children are watching. Our neighbors are watching. Our communities are watching. Our nation is watching. Most importantly you are watching–every day you look in the mirror or see your reflection. You have the power to change. It is not too late to say NO. It is not too late to “take your life back”.

We show our children how to treat others through our actions and words. Children model what they see and hear.

We teach our young boys to respect young girls.

We teach our girls to respect themselves and to expect respect from others.

In the long run, if children are involved, your children may respect you for having the courage to say no and stand up for your right to live.

It may be tough in the beginning. It is not so much about the number of parents in the home. It is more about the quality of parenting.

I am grateful my mother said No….and Yes to her life and raising her children.

You are not alone. Check your local and national resources for support.

Center Against Domestic Violence

http://www.cadvny.org/?gclid=CjwKEAiAz4XFBRCW87vj6-28uFMSJAAHeGZbhK-Q7muIHoz9KGjQSUxfEV0J5c1KQWry-j0OLDJvKBoC88_w_wcB

The National Domestic Violence Hotline

http://www.thehotline.org/

Heal within,

Timika

Posted in personal development, Uncategorized

Retreat: Go within for lasting change.

Retreat

What life lesson or lessons do you keep repeating? Do you keep dating the same kind of person, whether he or she is emotionally absent or abusive towards you? Are you always dieting, or dealing with the ups and downs of weight loss and weight gain, never really having long lasting change? Are you struggling with healthy eating versus and being on a diet? Healthy eating is a lifestyle instead of limiting yourself from foods for a certain amount of time. Are you struggling with quitting smoking, checking your blood sugars consistently, or any other desired goal?

If we keep doing something repeatedly, despite knowing that the behavior is not helping us and instead is causing more harm, we need to retreat inside to get to the root cause of our behavior. Until we get to the root cause of our behavior, we will keep repeating the same behavior and/or pick up other negative behaviors.

Some things to consider:

1. Become more aware of your behavior. Spend time with yourself (i.e. meditation) and/or ask loved ones what they notice about your behavior (consequences of your behavior, when you do it, where you do it, and any other cues). Note the when, where, how you do something, and eventually the why will surface as you start seeing a pattern in your behavior. I believe that when we are truthful with ourselves and ask the right questions, we will eventually get the right answers.

2. Identify and be real about what type of help you will need to master yourself and diminishing unhealthy behaviors.

3. Be patient with yourself. Changing a behavior is a process. You did not pick up the behavior overnight.

4. Work on one behavior at a time. Sometimes we get so excited by change and get caught up in the emotions, we want to tackle anything and everything.

5. Positively reward yourself throughout the process. Be creative in your reward and decrease your temptation to go back to negative behavior (read a book, find a mentor, join a support group, find and cook a healthy recipe, etc.)

Heal within,

Timika

Posted in Bullying, Happiness, mother's wisdom, racism

Bullying and its rightful place

The one thing that infuriates me the most is hearing that someone has been bullied by someone else. Whether it is name-calling (race, religion, color, intellectual abilities, and sexual preference, and/or forcing someone to do something they do not want to do, I do not care if it is the sister, brother, cousin, mother, father (because I have heard and seen parents bully their children) or any other individual.. I believe some things that fall under bullying include child abuse, elderly abuse, and domestic abuse and/or domestic violence, and rape. No one has the right to make someone else feel inferior or feel that he or she does not belong in this world or that the world would be a better place without him or her. How does that person know that? What gives another the right to have someone question his or her worth—to help feel inferior?

I heard today about a study taking place regarding bullying within the family including sisters and brothers. The one place that children hope to feel a sense of belonging…to be accepted for who they are, loved unconditionally, to be called by their name, and not make them feel inferior, is the very same place that some children are experiencing bullying…Are you kidding me? Loving, caring, and respecting others start in the home…If it does not start there, where does it start. Then, we want to wonder how come children turn into bullies as young adolescents, teenagers, and adults.

I am even more disgusted when I hear that someone was involved with helping someone else feel so bad about who he or she is that this person decided to take his or her life…to no longer be here…that his or her life was not worth living…..when he or she was designed to be here….. To have a place in this world…to explore, experience, to be happy, to live a passionate life, and it came to an end because the other person (bully)had issues that were not dealt with correctly.

I remember, years ago, in my undergraduate program, I witnessed a man hitting a woman and forcing her to do something. I immediately stopped what I was doing, beyond shock, and yelled out to this person to stop. I also told someone as well, but the couple ran away. Keep in mind that I was in the library…but wrong was wrong. I did not know the couple, I just knew it was wrong. It was a chance that I took, and I would do it again…Right is right….

When you are bullying, I believe it says more about you…who you are on the inside, and it does not bring good thoughts to mind. There is probably nothing wrong with the other person, something is more wrong with you. I am not picking on someone who is a bully…and you know if you are…but stop for a moment and ask why are you bullying someone??? Is it fun? Does it make you feel better about yourself? Does it relieve anger, stress, fear, or intimidation? Why would picking on someone else be a reason to laugh? To get excited? We were all given names for a reason….special reasons..after a grandmother, after a soap opera actress…It does not matter. Call me by my name and none other unless you have my permission. Get to know me before you tell me I do not belong….Besides the words “I do not belong do not belong in the statement of describing someone. We all have something valuable to add to this world, and who I am should be respected, as I will respect you.

As I mention, in Chapter 10, of my book, whether you had witnessed bullying, name-calling or any other negative behavior, in or outside your home, it is wrong. Period. You do not have to continue it on in your family or in your life. You have the power to change things.

Bullying and name calling has no place. It does not belong here on this earth. My mother did not put up with us calling each other names or fighting. If you got caught you would hear it, and/ or feel it. She did not even like the word “punk”. Forgive me mother. It is just an example. Loving and respecting others belong here. We have to learn to accept others for who they are and limit the fighting, bullying, and name-calling. There is so much beautiful variety on this earth, and everyone deserves a chance to be who they are…If you live in love, you will be more conscious of what you do and say around others.

Sincerely,

Timika Chambers

Author “A mother’s words of wisdom. From my heart to yours. Building within”